Big Things


I have some monumental things coming up– first off, a big operation.  Bilateral neck dissection with possible radical conversion– it even sounds big… MASSIVE.  And then with it, a rather large scar.  And with the whole thing, a huge new bundle of medical woes.

I went to the doctor this Monday about the lump on my neck, and she sent me along to a surgeon at the hospital, who in turn did my umpteenth ultrasound only to then tell me that I have two tumors on the left side of my jaw, and one on the right side as well as some suspicious masses on my neck that weren’t previously discovered.  I was a bit shocked.  I then met with another doctor who looked at me with such a sad, pitying face and told me that the cells in my neck weren’t absorbing iodine which I had already known- but she had assumed I hadn’t.  It was momentous, because the severity of the situation was finally able to shine through- most powerfully, to me.

I am tired.  I am very very tired.  Running around to different doctors, constant blood draining, ultrasounds, being told I can’t be helped, being told on a Monday morning that I have a surgery scheduled for Friday morning.  I’ve also grown weary of bringing bad news to people- holding information from my family an ocean away- trying not to feel sick, although I know my body is.  I think that most cancer patients feel this way– especially when things don’t move along fast enough.  But regardless, it sucks.

I’ll be doing the operation without my family at my side- which  allows me to relax at least a little bit and not worry every second about what my family knows and doesn’t know and how they see me.  I think in this sense, it’s better to be surrounded by friends.  There’s a twitter feed that will be tweeted with updates on the surgery as it goes on, anyone who would like the link, please email me (

Well, ya’ll, I want to make this post a bit humorous, but for whatever reason, I can’t bring myself to crack a joke right now– which is funny, because I’ve had a good attitude about things and still do- but still.  Oh well- an update with photos and what not will come soon!  New scar and all!


One Response to “Big Things”

  1. 1 Rebecca

    What does it mean that the cells aren’t absorbing iodine? Are they not thyroid cells, then?

    I feel like maybe I should get a Twitter account just so I can follow you…

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